Episode 1 - Crush Maniac
It was a week to the commencement of examinations, John was returning from the library with his best friend Benjamin as they met Cindy, a classmate of theirs, on her way to the library. While she was still afar off, John had sighted her. She was always easy to notice because of her likeness for the colours red and pink. She was always wearing either red or pink shoes and tops, with her brightly colored red or pink lips. In days when she decided not to use her usual red or pink lipstick, her deeply coloured red lips did the job for her. This time, her lips were pink-coloured and her shoes were pink, so also was her hand bag carrying her books. Some ...
When Henry arrived at the church an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on 'The Ten Commandments.'
After the service, Henry met the vicar in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him, 'I want to thank you Father for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I
decided against it.'
The vica ...
2. For those of you who have children - and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Try heeling our services. (Try our healing services?)
You won't get better.
Charity Begins at Church
After the church service, seven year old Brian said to the preacher: 'When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money.'
'Well, thank you, 'the preacher replied, 'but why?'
'Because my daddy says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had.'
'But why, Mother? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, one they all hate me at Church, and two the sermons are boring!'
'Those are not good reason for not to going to Church. Get up and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to Church.'
'Well, for one, you're 55 years old. And for another, you're the Pastor!'
The next Sunday when he fell asleep, she quietly removed some pungent Roquefort cheese from a bag in her purse and passed it under his nose.
Groggily startled, Big Dave blurted out, 'No, Martha, no, please don't kiss me now.'
Martin replied no, that he had been going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.
Miss Walter was very impressed and asked the lad if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?
Martin replied, 'Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.'
My friend replied, 'I'm already in the army of the Lord, Father.'
So the vicar enquired, 'Then how come I don't see you except at Christmas and at Easter?'
My friend whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'
His grandmother commented, 'Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?'
'Yes, 'replied Philip, 'God did it and he did it left handed.'
This confused his grandmother so she asked him, 'What makes you say God did this with his left hand?' 'Well, 'said Philip, 'we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand ...
As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are
about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.'
'How frightful!' exclaimed the vicar's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'
The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord.'
He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'
'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.
The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'
The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'
The Catholic remarked, 'I've forgotten my hat,' so he got up, got out of the boat and walked across the water.
He returned and the Anglican said, 'I've forgotten the fishing bait,' so he got up, climbed out of the boat and walked across the water.
He came back and the Methodist murmured, 'I've forgotten the beer.' He got up, jumped out of the boat and was standing in the water then he sank.
The Anglican turned to the Catholic and asked, 'Do you think we ought to tell him were the stepping ...
'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word. ...
After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of church for the announced meeting. However, there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before.
'My friend,' asked Reverend Morris, 'did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?'
'Oh, yes,' came the rejoinder from the visitor, 'and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get.'
The following Sunday, in church, Father George announced to the assembled congregation, 'I have known many people who have written letters to me and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his
name and had forgotten to write a letter.'
However, Nathan is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, Father John moves closer to Nathan's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to Nathan's level, Father John smiles benevolently and asks, 'And now what, my little man?' To which Nathan replies with a beaming grin, 'Now we run! ...
Father Henry, not knowing where the cemetery was, made several wrong turns and got lost.
He eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the spade was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.
Father Henry, being a reliable young priest went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his lateness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in considerable style.
As the ...
He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he added, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.'
The Reverend Morgan then sat down. Jerry, St John's leading chorister stood up and announced with a ...